NASHVILLE, TN — Taylor Swift was released from a UFO early Tuesday after performing an acoustic “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” that shattered her captors’ composure. Witnesses saw a purple beam lift her from a studio lot at 11:30 PM. “I thought it was a music video until the spaceship left,” said parking attendant Miguel Rodriguez, who filmed the abduction. Inside, three seven-foot beings with expressive eyes telepathically pitched romance. The lead, nicknamed “Zyx,” projected dates under multiple suns. “That’s when I knew I had to do something drastic,” Swift said. She grabbed a crystalline guitar and hit the chorus. Faces crumbled. “Zyx started intergalactic sobbing,” she said. By verse two, they huddled and wept. “Her autobiographical heartbreak clearly transcended species,” said Dr. Elena Vasquez, a xenopsychologist. The ship reversed course, set her down gently, and bolted. “Their parting message was just ‘never’ on repeat,” Swift said. NASA reported deep-space signals resembling muffled crying from Andromeda. Swift will pause her tour to process and maybe write “Out of This World (But Not in a Good Way).” Venues now screen for paparazzi and extraterrestrial admirers.