NEW YORK CITY — Mayor Eric Adams unveiled the De Niro Crosswalk Protocol, granting right-of-way to the pedestrian with the most authentic “I’m walkin’ here!” The ordinance, effective August 1, requires an audible delivery at Manhattan crosswalks. Traffic officers will grade performances with handheld Bronx-o-meters. Scores under seven wait. “It streamlines traffic and honors cinema,” said DOT Commissioner Ydanis Rodriguez. “Two taxis with one ‘I’m walkin’ here!’” The policy followed a viral Times Square montage of tourists nearly becoming hood ornaments. “A kid from Iowa tried the accent and almost got pancaked,” said cabbie Sal Benedetto. The city launched free library coaching, stressing the sacred pause before “here!” Robert De Niro demonstrated technique at City Hall. “Feel it in your gut,” he said. “And drop the G. The G is criminal.” Early tests caused gridlock as commuters workshopped vowels mid-intersection. “Guy from Jersey needed ten takes,” said office worker Maria Santos. Enrollment in acting classes tripled. Critics call it xenophobic; officials offer exemptions to tourists who can prove three viewings of Taxi Driver. Science allegedly supports anger-based stopping power.