NEWPORT BEACH, CA — A luxury yacht mix-up merged a $50,000 “Billionaire Sunset Soirée” with a $12 UC San Diego marine biology Groupon. Tech moguls arrived to network. Students arrived with plankton nets and ramen. Champagne flowed through a specimen wash station. A crypto billionaire asked if plankton were “blockchain-compatible.” Elon Musk pitched “ocean-based transportation” to Jessica Chen, 19, who was scraping barnacles. She offered Cup Noodles. He fretted about sodium. Professor Margaret Hendricks, 67, fired up a projector and three hours of slides on ocean acidification. “She had charts, man. So many charts,” said Mark Zuckerberg, pinned near the stern by pH tests. The professor added a section on wealth inequality and conservation funding. The moguls began to sweat. At 7:23 PM the Coast Guard got a call from “the guy who invented crypto” claiming “academic attack.” By 8:15 PM, twelve billionaires were in the water, clinging to stolen pool noodles and doing business calls. All were rescued. Several students got unpaid internship offers. Investors moved $50 million into pool noodles.