MENLO PARK, CA — Snap’s $1.2 billion buy of Saturn promised synergy. It delivered academic vanish mode. The update fused Saturn’s planner with Snapchat’s disappearing messages, and students immediately declared homework “temporary.” Guidance counselor Margaret Chen logged 200 appeals in a day from teens insisting their F’s had auto-expired. One junior flashed a blank gradebook and accused her of “screenshotting without consent.” He vowed to report the evidence of his 23% to the administration. Colleges fared worse. State University dean Patricia Williams called her office “somewhere between a circus and a hostage negotiation.” Students waved blank calendars and demanded extensions on “temporary” assignments. One sophomore argued her midterm violated privacy because she couldn’t screenshot it undetected. Another swore his thesis deadline was a Snap story, so it vanished after 24 hours. “Academic accountability is evolving,” a Snap spokesperson said, via remarks that then disappeared. Saturn CEO Michael Chen posted a 10-second video torching paper planners: “Homework is temporary, viral moments are forever.” Ed-tech experts warned transcripts now act like Stories. Beta testers say any fix “ruins the aesthetic of temporary failure.”