ANAHEIM, CA—A magical outing went orbital Tuesday when 4-year-old X Æ A-XII saw Darth Vader near the Millennium Falcon and detonated into siren-level tears. Witnesses compared the wails to a Model S alarm. “He kept yelling ‘bad robot man’ and ‘where’s his flame-not-a-flamethrower,’” said Janet Richardson. Vader’s Cast Member froze as security debated next steps for ten awkward minutes. The official @DarthVader account then posted a tender apology: “I find your lack of faith… understandable for a youngling. TIE fighter ride offer stands.” It racked up 2.3 million likes and a GIF of Vader patting a crying Ewok. Disney said villains don’t usually break character, but allowed it “given the unprecedented nature and the kid’s really unfortunate name.” Musk answered at 3:47 a.m.: “Vader, I challenge you to single combat. Lightsabers at dawn. Also I’m buying the Death Star.” He promised to retrofit it for sustainability and cup holders. He later claimed talks to acquire Lucasfilm, the Death Star, and “whatever planet Vader lives on.” His son asked if they could buy Disneyland too.