COLUMBUS, OH—Sen. JD Vance announced a campaign rebrand Saturday, filing for the Ohio State Ballroom Championship as “JD Dance” to “reach swing voters.” The first-term senator arrived at the Ohio Expo Center in a rhinestone jacket with a stitched American flag. He said the floor was “an under-polled precinct.” A super PAC sponsored his entry fee, water bottles, and fog machine. Volunteers handed out door hangers noting his preferred tempo: 120 BPM. Vance appointed three K Street lobbyists as backup dancers, introducing them as “the Coalition.” They practiced a Viennese waltz around a tax credit whiteboard. “Ballroom is policy, only with shoes,” Vance told reporters, stretching beside a banner reading VOTE LIKE NOBODY’S WATCHING. His leadership PAC ran the DJ booth, issuing beats and disclaimers between tracks. “Paid for by Americans for Rhythm,” the DJ said, dropping a remix of Hava Nagila into Proud to Be an American. Judges asked if campaign finance forms belonged in a rumba. He answered with a dip. By finals, Vance requested provisional ballots for applause. He proposed counting claps as likely voters and motioned to subpoena the cha-cha. A confetti cannon fired a 400-page legislative draft onto the parquet. “This is how we win the swing,” he said, spinning. The judges awarded him Best Use of Donor-Coordinated Jazz Hands.