At a sparsely attended Upper West Side presser, an annoyed, wrinkled Larry David announced a 2028 presidential run on “basic human decency enforcement.” He’s “pretty, pretty, pretty sure” America’s problem isn’t the economy. It’s shopping carts in parking spaces and dog owners who don’t scoop. He unveiled the Thank You Note Enforcement Act for gifts over $20 and the Canine Responsibility Initiative making poop negligence a federal misdemeanor. The centerpiece: National Awkward Silence Day, a holiday forcing polite confrontations. “Your neighbor’s too loud? You tell them. Someone cuts in line? Say something. We’ll make confrontation great again, but polite. Maybe,” David said. A Georgetown analyst called the platform “unprecedented,” noting it tackles pet waste and emotional intelligence in one breath. Then David torched a reporter questioning his résumé: “Experience? Look at the experienced idiots. I manage idiots.” #IdiotManagement trended. Donations surged. Early polls put him at 12%, strong among voters “fed up with everyone’s nonsense.” His deli-above HQ features a jammed suggestion box. Running mate criteria: merges properly, silent during movies.