Tesla’s earnings call veered off-script when Elon Musk strapped on an “X-Pack” jetpack and blasted through the Austin HQ skylight. Eighteen minutes later, he clipped Starlink SL-7439 at 342 miles up, triggering debris that smacked 127 more satellites. Global internet fell for nearly six hours, which Musk hailed as “the greatest day in X platform history.” “Why just talk about innovation when you can literally fly into the future?” he told 50,000 viewers moments before liftoff. “One moment he’s on Q3 margins, the next he’s a bottle rocket,” said CFO Vaibhav Taneja, googling “how to explain CEO space collision.” An MIT expert called it “cosmic billiards,” adding, “the wrench was himself.” Stranded, Musk posted 47 times using the jetpack’s satphone. Trending: #ElonFlewTooClose, #StarlinkedOut, #XIsAllWeHaveLeft. X alone stayed online via a secret terrestrial backup, spiking engagement 500%. Tesla stock plunged 12%, then closed up 8% on monopoly vibes. A Dragon capsule retrieved Musk after three hours. “Space is cold. BRB,” he posted. FAA and FCC vowed probes. He promised better collision avoidance next quarter. Maybe a helmet.