Istanbul declared Tombili mayor after three million cats staged a purrtest. Taksim Square filled with tabbies at 6:02 a.m. Trams stopped. Ferries yielded. Kebabs trembled. Beyoğlu monitors clocked 92 decibels of meowing. Ballot boxes were ignored. A saucer on the steps received unanimous licks. City hall called it decisive. The clerk said, “That’s a mandate.” The Interior Ministry praised the decorum. “They purred within legal limits,” said spokesman Ali Demir, petting a stray named Captain Anchovy. Tombili arrived on a red cushion borne by six interns. He loafed, blinked, and authorized seven naps by paw stamp. President Erdoğan promised emergency fish subsidies from “strategic tuna reserves in the Bosphorus,” and ordered parliament converted into a scratching post by Friday. “Democracy must be tactile,” he said, as staff stapled sisal to historic desks. Crews painted sardine crosswalks. Litter boxes replaced meters. Lampposts got laser dots. The plan lists 81 nap zones and a no-bath holiday policy. Opposition leaders objected, then purred on velvet benches. The Finance Ministry issued Meow Lira, backed by canned mackerel. Tombili faced microphones, yawned, and said, “Mrrrp.” The podium fell over.