WASHINGTON—Elon Musk emerged from the White House with a black eye and a breakup speech, announcing he’s “consciously uncoupling” from the Trump administration over “creative differences” in Mars funding. The billionaire framed it as irreconcilable visions: colonize Mars or fortify celestial bodies. Staffers called it damage control. Reporters called it Tuesday. “Donald and I had something beautiful,” Musk sniffed, blotting tears with a SpaceX tissue. “But sometimes love isn’t enough.” He said the shiner came from a Diet Coke Trump hurled during an Oval Office meltdown over whether the border wall belongs on Earth or the Moon. “He has very good aim for a 78-year-old,” Musk admitted. An aide said Trump raved that a Moon wall would be visible from Earth and “really stick it to China.” A breakup counselor called it textbook alpha clash. Musk vowed loyalty to rockets—“the most consistent partners I’ve ever had”—then slipped out a side door as Trump reportedly practiced throws in the Rose Garden. Sources say the President muttered about “disloyal rocket boys” while drafting posts.