MALIBU, CA — A routine Tuesday at Zuma Beach derailed when Justin Bieber strode from the surf with a leather briefcase, climbed on it, and declared war on paparazzi. Wearing board shorts and a Bluetooth earpiece, he shouted, “You are not clocking it!” at baffled photographers. The briefcase read “BUSINESS” in gold, which he slapped for emphasis. “I’m standing on business, literally!” he added, striking precarious poses. Veteran paparazzo Marco Torretti said he’d seen phones thrown and umbrellas deployed, “but never yoga on office supplies.” Each shutter click drew another barked “NOT CLOCKING IT” and a new stance. At one point Bieber did a warrior pose and held his phone aloft like Simba. Nearby parents assumed a music video, then realized it wasn’t choreographed when the lunges began. Security paced and called frantically while he guarded his leather-bound fortress. De-escalation arrived with bodyguard Big Mike, who explained “standing on business” is idiom, not IKEA assembly. Witnesses saw comprehension dawn. Bieber climbed down, dusted sand, and left. #NotClockingIt exploded as users filmed themselves misunderstanding life on random objects.