DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES — In a municipal low point, officials phoned Milla Jovovich to handle a real zombie outbreak near Pershing Square, assuming her Resident Evil filmography counted as credentials. “CDC was unreachable, the Guard was tied up with that flamingo situation in Riverside,” said LAPD Chief Maria Rodriguez. The outbreak began with tainted energy drinks leaking into the water supply. Jovovich arrived in borrowed tactical gear and immediate confidence. Witnesses say she launched into combat rolls and shouted, “We need to get to the extraction point!” at baffled responders. “She kept doing slow-motion kicks at nothing,” said bystander Janet Chen. Zombies looked confused. One checked his phone. Jovovich hunted planters for ammo caches and health packs for twenty minutes. “She seemed to wait for a ‘cut,’” said paramedic Lisa Torres. An inspirational rooftop speech drew only shuffling annoyance. Real glass also declined to shatter on cue. Relief came when taco vendor Miguel Santos fed the horde, diagnosing mass hypoglycemia. “Protein and complex carbs,” he said, serving carnitas. “Her imaginary shotgun reload was A-plus, though.” Officials thanked Jovovich and promised to call doctors next time, not action heroes.