HILL VALLEY, CA — Interdimensional scientist Rick Sanchez, 70, was stranded in 1985 after a catastrophic portal gun malfunction at Twin Pines Mall. The Reagan-era tech sent him into an immediate spiral. Witnesses saw him try to recharge his gun with a Walkman battery and DeLorean jumper cables, then scream “Wubba lubba dub dub” at the sky for twenty minutes. “He keeps calling us primitive monkey brains,” said local teen Marty McFly. Sanchez soon met 17-year-old Emmett “Doc” Brown, an aspiring inventor with a flux capacitor sketch and a high tolerance for burns. They partnered on what Sanchez called “a janky-ass time machine for cavemen,” then fought nonstop. “He’s brilliant and terrifying,” Brown said, bandaged. “He tried to power it with concentrated dark matter.” When Brown suggested safety tests, Sanchez called him “a little bitch” and “discount Einstein.” He moved into Brown’s garage, subsisting on homemade booze and green despair juice. After 72 sleepless hours, Sanchez quit, trashed the machine, and announced, “I’ll wait forty years for portal travel.” He’s now bartending at Lou’s, mixing portal cocktails and Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters. “Weird guy,” said owner Lou Carruthers. “Great tips from pickle-monster stories.”