BERLIN — In a triumph of bureaucratic optimism, Berlin data chief Meike Kamp said she’s “escalated” complaints about Chinese AI app DeepSeek to Apple and Google after the company ignored her polite emails. She’d requested they stop allegedly piping German data to Beijing or exit Europe. “I even used please and thank you,” she noted beneath a poster: “Diplomacy: Because Strongly Worded Letters Take Time.” The fuss began when Italians found DeepSeek treating EU privacy laws like wine-tasting notes—nice to swirl, not to swallow. Kamp’s probe alleges the app ships chats, personal info, and “basically everything except your mother’s maiden name—probably that too” to China. “They treat GDPR like terms of service,” said Dr. Heinrich Verschlüsselt of the Max Planck Institute for Optimistic Thinking. Apple and Google expressed “deep concern,” then debated whether morals beat a 30% cut. “A real Sophie’s choice,” sighed one Apple staffer. German users remain serenely exposed. “I just wanted a dating profile,” said Munich’s Klaus Weber, whose chats include exes, mom’s cooking, and ‘hypothetical’ VAT dodges. “If Beijing wants my commitment issues, maybe they’ll fix them.”