New York City declared a “Unicycle Emergency” Tuesday night after Yasir Bugra Eryilmaz completed a 12-mile, 28-mph electric monocycle tour through Midtown. Officials say he entered Manhattan via the Queensboro Bridge at 6:41 p.m., waved at a mounted officer near 59th Street, and threaded a taxi stand like a sewing needle. By 7:05, DOT activated an amber alert for “circular vehicles” and closed two lanes in Times Square. Mayor Eric Adams announced a 9 p.m. scooter curfew and stood beside a whiteboard labeled “Wheel Threat Matrix.” “This is a one-wheeled situation,” he said. The NYPD deployed its SWAT Bicycle Unit, 14 officers on carbon frames, to “flank the circle.” A lieutenant yelled, “Maintain triangle formation!” while a stern crossing guard held up a Stop/Slow sign and spun in sympathy. Eryilmaz reportedly signaled turns with both elbows simultaneously, causing three influencers to faint and a bus to applaud by honking twice. At 7:29, Times Square’s northbound lanes were reserved exclusively for “approved circles.” City sanitation unveiled spike-resistant pool noodles as countermeasures. Eryilmaz paused at 42nd Street to charge with a portable battery and declared, “I obey gravity.” Officials upgraded the emergency to plaid and urged residents to walk in squares until further notice.