PALO ALTO, CA—Palantir CEO Alex Karp launched “SneakySnaps,” a photo app that promises to “democratize surveillance while monetizing human vulnerability at scale.” Users share candid selfies; the app analyzes micro-expressions, predicts behavior, and sells “emotional intelligence” directly to federal agencies. Its 847-page terms grant rights to mine “emotional fingerprints” and market predictive models to “governmental and quasi-governmental entities.” Karp called it the bridge between oversharing and national security. Beta testers love the filters, including “Crying at Starbucks” and “Pretending to be Happy at Work.” “It auto-tags my mood swings and makes little emotional timelines,” said Jennifer Morrison, 24, unaware three agencies had already bought her data. “It’s like a therapist that never judges you and definitely doesn’t sell your secrets to the FBI.” Stanford privacy expert Dr. Sarah Chen called it “gamified erosion of privacy—dystopian, but kind of capitalist genius.” DHS would neither confirm nor deny purchases; sources cite 12,000 “potential future jaywalkers.” Karp dismissed concerns, touting a robust opt-out hidden under “Advanced Preferences > Governmental Partnerships > Federal Surveillance Programs > Actually, Never Mind, You Can’t Opt Out.” He promised safety “one involuntary psychological profile at a time,” and teased premium features like “Predict My Next Emotional Breakdown” and “Share My Secrets with the NSA Plus.”