GREENSBORO, NC — Minutes after a chrome saucer landed at a Walmart, Jimmy “MrBeast” Donaldson pitched the stunned visitors “the biggest challenge video of all time.” The Zephyrian Collective tried delivering a diplomatic message. He offered $1 million and, offhand, Earth. “This is actually happening,” he said, filming. A xenolinguist identified them, then watched MrBeast rebrand first contact as a giveaway. The telepathic aliens misunderstood “keep Earth” as ecological stewardship until Donaldson flashed his subscriber count. “They had no idea our civilization was a prize,” said Dr. Patricia Hendricks. Challenge one: perfect Eiffel Tower. Aliens reshaped matter in three minutes; MrBeast interns, 47 Red Bulls deep, produced a wobbling metal nightmare. Donaldson called it a tie and pivoted to a Mars race. The aliens teleported there and back instantly. “Doesn’t count without a souvenir,” he ruled. “He keeps changing rules when they’re winning,” tweeted PA Sarah Chen. Officials tried intervening. MrBeast threatened international waters. The aliens endured explaining physics while eating Carolina Reapers, a TikTok dance-off, and pop culture trivia. “Human entertainment lacks logic,” Hendricks translated. Donaldson promised a 4K upload “once we blur classified alien tech.” The Zephyrians called their lawyers about whether Earth can be legally unboxed.