ANKARA — Turkey declassified documents Monday confirming the 1982 B-movie “The Man Who Saves the World” was a covert documentary. The files say actor Cüneyt Arkın repelled a 1981 alien armada using only his mustache—“weaponized through decades of concentrated Turkish masculinity”—and Anatolian soil. Witnesses reported “unprecedented heroic energy,” and dirt that disintegrated ships on contact. “He saved our species in a costume that cost twelve dollars,” said retired NATO General Harrison Blackwood. “The mustache registered seismic activity.” NATO scrambled to explain the four-decade cover-up. “We panicked,” said Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg, sweating. “How do you tell people Earth’s greatest defender runs a kebab shop and wins by flexing facial hair?” Memos show the film’s awful effects were intentional. “No one will suspect reality if we keep the budget under fifty lira,” read a CIA note. Arkın, 87, kept slicing döner. “I was just doing my job,” he said. “They were rude. I was persuasive.” He credited a family mustache tradition and declined a monument. Advice for heroes: “Grow good mustache. Everything else is details.”