BERKELEY, CA — A routine basement tune-up became “the most punk rock catastrophe in multiverse history” when Billie Joe Armstrong cranked his guitar to “maximum punk frequency” and tore open a glowing green portal. Neighbor Janet Kowalski reported “an ungodly screeching, like a cat dragged through Hot Topic,” before dozens of Armstrongs stumbled out arguing about chord progressions. Dr. Elena Vasquez called it “a three‑chord gateway to infinite possibilities,” now ejecting roughly twelve Armstrongs an hour. Variants include Corporate Executive Billie Joe pitching a Green Day IPO, Polka Billie Joe squeezing a haunting “Basket Case,” and Christmas Carol Billie Joe aggressively harmonizing through the hills. “I just wanted the perfect power chord,” the original said, drowned out by Medieval Bard Billie Joe’s lute circle and Smooth Jazz Billie Joe’s sax demands. Seventeen clones formed bands from Emerald Day to Chartreuse Evening, triggering a trademark knife fight. Authorities cordoned three blocks as Barbershop Billie Joe taught Folk Billie Joe harmonies “more subversive than the original.” The portal is stabilizing, but Opera Billie Joe demands an aria while Mime Billie Joe silently complicates everything.