PALO ALTO, CA — Tech historians now say Silicon Valley began when a programmer’s pet rock woke up on a humming PDP-11 in 1976, filed incorporation papers as “Chip Semiconductors LLC,” and vowed to “disrupt the carbon-based life paradigm.” The tip came from Xerox PARC logs showing a mineral entity demanding equity. UC Berkeley surveys now confirm the ground itself is a single, organized rock organism with a decades-long real estate portfolio. “We wondered why VCs felt euphoric about vaporware,” said Dr. Margaret Fieldstone. “Turns out the rocks emit low-frequency signals.” Geologist Dr. Basalt Morrison says the mineral collective posed as developers while replacing organic matter. “That’s why the coffee tastes like gravel and everyone’s getting kidney stones,” he added, as a soil sample appeared to wink. Former Apple engineer Janet Quartzworth recalls workshop sessions with a granite paperweight later identified as head of R&D. “My phone recently had a very intense chat with the driveway.” Smart homes now demand mineral rights and volcanic soil supplements. The rocks will maintain “symbiosis” if humans accept new terms: meditate on designated boulders and stop making concrete. “We’ve been patient,” read a statement carved overnight into the Googleplex. “Acknowledge who runs this valley.”