Meta’s Mark Zuckerberg and podcaster Joe Rogan launched The Metaverse Kitchen, a VR cooking show where milligram-precise salt meets ancient psychedelic seasoning lore. The premiere on Horizon showed Zuckerberg weighing granules to 0.001 grams while Rogan argued the Aztecs basted with ayahuasca. Viewers watched Zuck lecture on paprika’s molecular structure as Rogan pitched DMT jerky and swore elk antlers hide FDA-suppressed umami. Beta testers reported getting stuck inside their headsets and conversations. A spectrometer appeared to check marinade pH. Rogan waved juniper berries and declared elk “medicine,” claiming one steak beats an entire Whole Foods supplement aisle. Dr. Rhonda Patrick dropped in to discuss nutrient bioavailability, but Rogan cut in with “Big Spice” theories. “Wild sage can rewire taste buds,” he said. “Jamie, pull up lightning-struck cinnamon.” Zuckerberg nodded and tuned his solar smoker’s algorithm. Haptic tasting triggered “existential flavor confusion” as fans sampled mathematically optimized elk. Meta stock jumped 12%, Onnit sold out of elk powder, and new episodes promise Fermentation and Consciousness. “We’re cooking the future of human consciousness,” Zuckerberg said, calibrating a renewable dehydrator.