AUSTIN, Texas — A Craigslist post for “exotic livestock to help sustain large family” has detonated into a sparkly disaster for Turkish entrepreneur Şahin Boydas. His 400-acre ranch outside Austin is now swarmed by more than 1,000 unicorns that arrived overnight and immediately declared war on agriculture. From behind a reinforced barn door, Boydas watched a pearl-horned stallion turn his John Deere into modern art. “I wanted alpacas or maybe ostriches,” he said. “Not a glitter coup.” Witnesses call the herd “aggressively magical” and “surprisingly vindictive.” They’ve organized squadrons to ram machinery into “very expensive Swiss cheese,” according to an appalled adjuster. Dr. Miranda Sparklebottom, a UT cryptozoologist, said Boydas erred by not specifying “non-mythical.” “They operate on pure magical entitlement,” she said, ducking a low-flying scout. The unicorns immediately devoured his entire rainbow carrot crop, then rejected regular carrots as “deeply offensive.” Sheriff’s deputy Rick Martinez reports horn formations puncturing every tire and crop circles spelling ancient unicorn profanity. Mythical Animal Control is tied up with a dragon in Houston. Barricaded inside, Boydas drafts a new ad: “FREE UNICORNS — MUST PICK UP IMMEDIATELY.” His insurer is reviewing coverage for Acts of Whimsy.