WASHINGTON — A Foo Fighters show became first contact when a chrome ship descended during “Everlong,” lured by “superior percussion techniques.” The Zephyrian Collective emerged in matching leather jackets and demanded a “rhythmic combat assessment” with Dave Grohl. Their amp-shaped translator crackled as leader ♪♫♪♫ declared, “We analyzed 847,392 performances. Only the Grohl entity syncs with the cosmos.” NASA Administrator Dr. Patricia Martinez was yanked from dinner at 11:47 p.m. to find Grohl calmly debating stick grips while roadies assembled a drum kit the aliens materialized. “We trained for first contact,” she said. “Not cosmic jam sessions. Dave kept asking about their hi-hat.” The aliens announced Earth’s fate rides on the outcome, remaining vague on penalties for losing. The White House lawn is now a “diplomatic performance venue.” Biden said, “America’s drummer is now Earth’s drummer,” expressing confident confusion. The aliens granted 48 hours and practice by blasting D.C. with otherworldly blast beats. Grohl promised to “play like my species depends on it.” Odds are posted. Handicapping extraterrestrial paradiddles remains unclear.