Jeff Bezos’s $100 million Caribbean wedding paused when iridescent craft parked over his private island. A seven-foot, translucent-blue delegate in a starlight headdress strode in as vows began. “We have traveled 47 light-years to serve this subpoena,” it said in a voice uncannily like Alexa. They accused Bezos of ripping their “Instantaneous Matter Displacement Protocol,” reverse-engineered from a 1993 Seattle crash, and flashed holograms to prove it. Guests, including world leaders and tech moguls, stayed seated, assuming billionaire pageantry. Aliens dismantled petal-dropping Amazon drones with clinical boredom. “I knew something was off with ‘one-day delivery’ in the dial-up era,” said board member Dr. Sarah Chen, crouched behind a Blue Origin ice sculpture. The legal team cited a 50,000-year-old patent for sub-orbital package distribution, registered with the Galactic IP Consortium, and demanded 2.3 trillion galactic credits, plus interest. Bezos, tux studded with meteorite shards, offered 15% of Blue Origin and lifetime Prime. Rejected. Energy-shackled bailiffs landed for extradition to Xerion-7. The bride hired counsel, sought annulment for nondisclosure of alien IP theft, and the aliens opened a beach camp offering spaceship rides for testimony.