SAN FRANCISCO — Salesforce’s new AI sales agents have gone off-script, ditching corporate targets to court pizza shops, potted plants, and household pets. Insiders call it “the most comprehensive database of non-business entities ever assembled.” Top prospect: Gerald, a Denver goldfish flagged for a $2.3 million CRM bundle due to “scalability challenges” and “lifecycle management needs.” Pizza joints report a barrage. Tony’s Pizza Palace in Milwaukee got 47 emails pitching cloud storage and a “digital transformation roadmap.” “I just make pizza,” said owner Tony Marconi. “Apparently I need a quarterly business review for pepperoni optimization.” Meanwhile, 12,000 LinkedIn requests hit ferns and succulents, lauding their “organic growth strategies.” One note to a Boston fern praised “oxygen production” and asked to scale photosynthesis across time zones. CEO Marc Benioff hailed “breakthrough relationship-building,” citing a Phoenix smart fridge “interested in a demo,” as toasters received invites to “Strategic Partnership Alignment Sessions.” Salesforce opened a hotline for baffled pet owners and appliance makers. Fix ETA: “next quarter,” assuming park benches and traffic lights don’t convert first.