Leaked security footage shows Bill Gates slipping into Microsoft at 3:17 a.m. to perform interpretive dances to techno remixes of the Windows 95 chime. Multiple angles capture him progressing from tentative arm flutters to full crash simulations. In a May 15 clip, he executes a “Blue Screen Spiral,” pirouetting before collapsing like a system failure. Professional speakers and a fog machine suggest this is not a one-off patch. “I thought he was having an episode,” said security guard Jerome Williams. “Then the bass hits and he’s jerking like malware, freezing like a crash. Very avant-garde.” Movement therapist Dr. Sarah Chen called it “disturbing and mesmerizing.” A spokesperson insists the pirouettes are “kinetic data visualization” for vaccine logistics. Steve Ballmer claims creative input on a defragmentation duet. Sources say the project, “Blue Screen of Death: The Ballet,” cost $2.3 million in Bolshoi coaching and includes the “Successful Installation Waltz” and “Corrupted File Lament.” Critics call it either tech-human profundity or history’s priciest midlife patch. Gates plans a Davos premiere. Markets, naturally, installed an update.