EVERGLADES CITY, FL—Cletus “Gator” McGillicuddy filed to marry his 8-foot alligator, Bertha Mae, after Florida’s “Freedom of Union Act” accidentally removed species limits. The error came when House Bill 2847 cut “unnecessary” wording, including the word “human,” creating what legal experts now call the Reptilian Loophole. McGillicuddy met Bertha during Hurricane Ian and says she’s protected his double-wide ever since. “I always knew Bertha Mae was the one,” said McGillicuddy, 47. “She’s got beautiful amber eyes, opens beer cans with her teeth, and keeps Jehovah’s Witnesses away. Perfect woman.” Governor Ron DeSantis, flanked by “Love Wins” signs with Florida wildlife, praised the law. “This is freedom,” he said. “If a man wants to marry his emotional support alligator, that’s between him, his alligator, and God.” Asked about safety, he added, “Show me the stats on human-alligator divorce rates. I’ll wait.” The swamp wedding is set for Saturday. Reverend Billy Bob Hutchins will officiate from a reinforced steel cage. The “Swamp Stompers” demanded hazard pay. Health officials are improvising pamphlets on interspecies counseling and honeymoon protocols.