MANCHESTER, ENGLAND — In what officials call “the most successful administrative error in football history,” Jason Sudeikis has accidentally been appointed Manchester City’s head coach after a Ted Lasso promo mix-up. Despite lifelong anosmia and zero tactics, he’s rattled off seven straight wins using Missouri platitudes and an industrial flow of homemade biscuits. The confusion began when Sudeikis arrived at the Etihad in a tracksuit with a biscuit box. “We assumed he was our new gaffer,” said chairman Khaldoon Al Mubarak. He spoke about “believing in the process” and “being curious, not judgmental,” so nobody checked. Kevin De Bruyne called the methods “completely mental” but effective: “He said football’s like a Kansas City burnt end—time, patience, seasoning. No idea. Scored a hat-trick.” Players now demand “victory cookies” before kickoff. Sudeikis, on the touchline, shouts “Y’all got this!” and quotes sitcoms as tactics. His anosmia is a feature, not a bug. “He can’t smell fear or dodgy pre-game meals,” said Erling Haaland. The league says it’s legal; the board extended him. “I thought this was method acting,” Sudeikis shrugged, handing out biscuits. “Aggressive kindness works.” Champions League recipe in development.