ISTANBUL — Poll workers in Fatih reported record turnout Tuesday after thousands of street cats entered stations, sat on scanners, and refused to leave. Ballots arrived smelling faintly of sardine brine. By midnight, the Supreme Election Council confirmed a landslide for Gli, the famed tabby of Hagia Sophia, credited with 63.4% of all paw prints. Human candidates conceded between sneezes. City Hall unlocked a window ledge and called it the transition office. President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan appeared on TRT at 1:12 a.m., flanked by a laser pointer and a bowl of kibble. “The nation has spoken. Meow means mandate,” he said, announcing a daily national nap from 1–3 p.m. and emergency sunbeam mapping. Gli’s first statement was a long, unbroken stare, followed by kneading the Constitution. “We welcome our new furry administrator,” said the Interior Minister, rolling out litter boxes labeled ‘Transparency.’ The traffic director promised to repaint bus lanes as ‘Zoomies Only.’ By dawn, parliament fast-tracked Sunbeam Zoning, requiring south-facing windows for all offices by April 30, and banned vacuum cleaners within 200 meters of public buildings. Police were issued tuna stipends and tiny reflective vests. Gli ceremonially knocked the mayoral pen off the desk and set policy by curling on Agenda Item 1. The anthem was shortened to a five-second purr. Voters quietly agreed this made the most sense all year.