CHICAGO — Barack Obama will re-record his 2009–2017 speeches as “Barack’s Version” after discovering Trump somehow controls his oral legacy. A cease-and-desist blocked Obama from using “Yes We Can” for charity. Trump’s team had trademarked more than 400 phrases, including “Change we can believe in,” “The audacity of hope,” and “Let me be clear.” “Michelle told me to read the contracts,” Obama sighed. Taylor Swift has volunteered as legal counsel in exchange for constitutional tutoring and State of the Union coaching. “I know what it’s like when someone owns your art,” Swift said from Nashville. “He’ll teach me the dramatic pause; I’ll help him stick it to the guy who stole his speeches.” Their first drop, Obama’s album “Audacity of Hype,” leads with “We Are The Ones We’ve Been Waiting For (Taylor’s Remix),” which Swift calls “folklore meets the Constitution.” Anderson Cooper said it’s “surprisingly catchy.” Tucker Carlson called it “Auto-Treason.” Scholars call the case unprecedented and likely Supreme Court-bound. Obama’s recording “Barack’s Version” of the 2015 State of the Union, with Swift on “constitutional harmonies.” If it works, he plans to finally perform his Nobel speech at Michelle’s birthday. A Federalist Papers concept album is in development.