EARTH SECTOR 7-G — Routine tunnel boring went 6,371.8 kilometers off-plan Tuesday when the specimen known as Musk punched through the crust, introducing surface humans to a clawed subterranean subspecies with a fixation on renewable energy stocks. The breach opened into a dense habitat grid. They called themselves subjects of Tunnel King Scrapclaw and demanded equity for trespass. “We were executing normal protocols when they emerged asking for the commander of the surface Tesla empire,” said Rodriguez-Unit. Scrapclaw waved brittle financial documents and requested 50,000 Tesla stock certificates, quarterly reports via tunnel, and exclusive rights to Cybertrucks modified for burrowing. Musk arrived without visible surprise, live-posted a “core demographic” partnership, and offered combustion devices. The creatures declined, then convened a financial assembly around the drill. One clerk recorded minutes in stone. Talks concluded with an underground Tesla outlet and a pact to expand tunnels across North America, pending SEC approval of interspecies securities. Scrapclaw’s soil statement deemed the surface dweller “acceptable.” Typical human pattern observed: discover new life, monetize before the dust settles.