BARENTS SEA — A routine patrol went psychedelic when 85-year-old Ringo Starr commandeered the nuclear submarine Severodvinsk, allegedly thinking it was the Yellow Submarine prop. He boarded via an open hatch, yelled, “Blimey! There she is!” and asked where the cameras were. “He said we were actors,” said Petty Officer Dmitri Volkov. “He winked and called it a hush-hush production.” Starr barricaded himself in the command center, demanding Paul McCartney for “one last magical mystery tour.” He sang “We are all living in a yellow submarine” over the intercom for three hours, breaking only to request craft services. Russian negotiators struggled as he broadcast Beatles tracks through the sonar array, creating “the most melodically confusing underwater signals in maritime history,” according to NATO. “I’ve never seen an octogenarian hold a sub hostage with nursery rhymes,” said Dr. Sarah Hendricks. McCartney’s camp offered no comment, though sources say the sub’s acoustics tempt him. Starr remains 200 feet down, having drafted the crew as a backing band for “All You Need Is Love.” The Kremlin called the episode “regrettable but understandable.”