PALO ALTO, CA — Elon Musk listed his personal Tesla Model S on Craigslist for $420,069 after blowing his fortune on a solid gold Dogecoin-shaped rocket. The post boasts “barely used, only two trips to Mars,” a “rocket fuel aroma,” and Autopilot working on “most lunar surfaces.” Payment options include Twitter stock, rare Pepe NFTs, or moon rocks. “NO LOWBALLERS I KNOW WHAT I HAVE,” the listing warns. Insiders say Musk spent about $247 billion on the nonfunctional, Shiba Inu-shaped rocket. “He said he’d take Doge to the moon. We thought metaphor,” said ex-SpaceX engineer Janet Rodriguez, who quit after calculating ear aerodynamics. “It’s gorgeous. It also just barks when you press the nose.” Offers flooded in: $37 and a half-eaten sandwich, three GameStop shares and a Harambe photo, 47 cases of energy drinks, a Branson timeshare, and a Beanie Baby hoard “about to moon.” Conspiracy forums insist the price hides a Jupiter colonization date via tortured math. “Rocket fuel smell is obviously rocket fuel,” one posted. Musk meanwhile teased starting an OnlyFans and selling a “slightly used flamethrower.”