New York’s mayoral race swerved when Zohran Mamdani denied being a communist after a viral clip showed him handing out gluten-free granola bars while humming lo-fi hip-hop. “I am not a communist,” he told reporters in Union Square. “I just really like sharing snacks. And lo-fi helps me focus.” He added no plans to collectivize trail mix. Speculation surged anyway. Right-leaning tabloids ran grainy shots of Mamdani splitting an organic apple, warning it’s a gateway to collectivized agriculture. “Next he’ll nationalize bodegas!” barked Republican Sal Ricotta, clutching a hoarded bag of Funyuns. “First, he takes your Nutri-Grain bar, then your private property!” Analysts called it snack-based red-baiting. “He’s walking a fine line—salted, but fine,” said Dr. Millie Feinstein, Political Snackology, CUNY. An NY1 poll found 74% say lo-fi “slaps,” while 18% can define proletariat. Volunteers shrugged. “I’m here for the free trail mix,” said organizer Kayla Kim. “Call me Comrade.” The campaign unveiled a new slogan: “Music to Share, Not to Seize.” Ricotta warned on NY1: “Today it’s hummus. Tomorrow, universal broadband. Where does it end?”