DENVER — Accountant Marcus Pemberton, 34, claims “metabolic nirvana” after a jammed pantry trapped him with expired bacon and pounds of grass‑fed butter. “By hour 36, I was speaking directly to my ketones,” he said outside his new RiNo office. “The butter became my meditation teacher. The slightly green bacon were protein prophets.” He lost twelve pounds and began sketching business plans on butter wrappers. Word spread through CrossFit boxes and biohacking groups. Within a week, “Enlightened Imprisonment Wellness Solutions” launched, charging $500 an hour to lock clients in “metabolic meditation chambers” stocked with dubiously fresh high fat. “Medically inadvisable,” said nutritionist Dr. Sarah Chen, as the waitlist hit 2,000, including three Silicon Valley CEOs and a former Olympian. Pemberton trademarked the “Accidental Imprisonment Method” and demos a “Panic‑Induced Ketosis Chamber.” “The breakthrough happens when you realize you must embrace the fat.” Despite Denver Health Department letters and ER visits for “digestive irregularities,” clients report eight‑pound drops and “spiritual clarity.” “He’s monetized Stockholm syndrome,” said Dr. Michael Torres. “Horrified and impressed.” Pemberton now offers a deluxe package with blindfold, handbell, and artisanal rancidity.