REDMOND, WA — Bill Gates, 68, became a TikTok star overnight after posting the “Windows XP Dance Challenge,” a 12-step routine synced to the startup chime. The clip hit 48 million views in nine hours. He shuffles left on “Service Pack One,” kicks on “Service Pack Two,” and freezes on a simulated Blue Screen. Microsoft’s social team added captions: “Tap to defrag your soul.” Teens copied it without asking permission. Within hours, Microsoft converted security patches into dance moves to keep up. The January cumulative update is now a hip-pop called KB5034441. The out-of-band patch? A panic spin while yelling “critical vulnerability.” “We’re meeting youth where they are,” said CEO Satya Nadella, breathless after rehearsals. Gates posted a follow-up: “Remember, guys, always enable automatic updates… of your hips.” A Microsoft engineer, wearing a lanyard and shin splints, promised weekly hotfix freestyles “if threat actors trend.” Schools replaced dodgeball with Patch Tuesday choreography. A Florida gym class practiced “Enable Safe Mode” by facing the wall. The NSA liked the sound, but offbeat. Gates teased a finale where he uninstalls Clippy live. “If the beat lags, that’s authentic legacy support,” he said, as teens begged for a Vista remix and compliance training.