BURBANK, CA — Production on Hell’s Kitchen: Intergalactic Edition is suspended after Glorbex-7, a shimmering purple blob from Kepler-442b, absorbed high-end ingredients instead of cooking them. The Food Network recruited it for the Cosmic Cuisine Initiative; it promptly ate wagyu and truffles through its membrane. Security footage shows Ramsay shouting, “You absolute muppet!” before Glorbex pulsed crimson and filed a Galactic Culinary Council complaint for species discrimination. “We thought we’d explained cooking,” said executive producer Sandra Martinez. “On Kepler-442b, it’s molecular absorption.” Glorbex labeled human food “primitive carbon slop” and started telepathically broadcasting methane-based recipes to the audience. Two hundred people craved “sulfurous gas soufflé” and “crystallized ammonia tartare.” EMTs intervened when several tried to eat cleaning supplies. “I’ve never wanted drain cleaner more,” said attendee Janet Rodriguez. “The plating notes were exquisite.” Network lawyers now debate whether Earth’s employment laws cover bioluminescent complaints. Glorbex demands methane-forward cuisine and Ramsay’s sensitivity training. Ramsay researches how to Yelp an entire planet. Meanwhile, Glorbex has absorbed craft services, three lunches, and a potted plant. Viewers are urged not to recreate recipes involving toxic gases or anything glowing.